Man, a week goes by FAST, even when I'm struggling to get in gear.
While we are preparing for the big move East, I've realized that I've been in a holding pattern with packing because it just seemed too EARLY to pack most things (won't we need to use that whisk in the next few weeks?) and it always seems like there is enough time later to take care of such items.
However, I have come to recognize that pretty much everything can be packed at this point and we'll get along just fine, especially considering that Eric is pretty much never home except to sleep (finishing a restaurant build under looming deadline), the kitchen is mid-renovation and may as well not even exist (guess that answers the whisk question), and I spend most of my day working on the computer, napping, sorting files, or trying to figure out what I can possibly eat without wanting to vomit. Keeping in mind that there is no kitchen, I'm kind of limited in that last task.
I've also developed this really odd addiction to Smartwater. Now, if you've known me in the past 4 years, you know that there has never been a shortage of Smartwater bottles in my office, car, hand, etc. BUT! it has taken a dangerous and expensive new turn. With the absence of the kitchen sink, I have been unable to refill my bottles with the filtered tap water (not to mention they don't FIT under the bathroom faucet). More importantly, though, is the fact that Smartwater is the only water that "tastes right" to me now.
(if this is your first time here, I'm 14 weeks pregnant...smells and tastes are a very strange and unpredictable thing and completely rule one's ability to nourish oneself.)
I know I sound super picky right now and I'm really not THAT girl, but I swear I have an aversion to drinking water (at the hotttest point in the summer, I might add) when it is not in that lovely, sealed, clean-tasting, sarcastic labeled bottle. And a girl has to stay hydrated, so here I am, thankful that Costco sells it in bulk and it is a little cheaper that way.
Seeing the writing on the wall, I've gone ahead and written to Smartwater suggesting that they sponsor my pregnancy (and Harvard education...get it? SMARTwater...) with free product. They could go further and, you know, hook me up with some other kind of sponsorship while they were at it...I know I'm not a celebrity or superathlete or anything, but I *AM* attempting to grow a human while doing an intensive and unaffordable year of grad school and I think a lot more people could identify with my adventure than your average commercial-grade beautiful spokesperson. Just a thought.
(sigh) back to the boxes and the packing. Eric asks me last night (at 11pm) if I know "how many boxes we have total". (pause) "What?" He asks again (why his danger sensors did not pick up the tone in my voice, I don't know), "you know, how many boxes of stuff have you figured out that we have to take?"
(cut to scene)
Me: I have no idea. Especially since I've barely packed anything because you want to go through it.
Him: Oh. Huh. Well, you know, I'd really like to take a digital photo of all the contents of each box before they get packed.
Me: What?
Him: A digital photo - just lay the stuff out before it goes in the box and snap a picture.
Me: No. Why on earth would we do that?
Him: Well, that's what I did the last time I packed.
Me: Nope. No you didn't.
Him: Yes I did. It keeps everything organized.
Me: False. Digital cameras didn't EXIST the last time you moved.
Him: (Pause) True. But it is still a good idea.
Me: No. No it is not. Besides, that's ridiculous - who does that? Why?
Him: So we know what is in each box.
Me: We will. They're labeled on the outside. "Books" "Design Books" "Textbooks" "Lena's non-pregnant summer clothes", etc.
Him: But how will we know what is IN them?
Me: Um...aside from the pretty obvious labels...open them up and look when we unpack?
Him: Well, maybe we could at least have an inventory list of each box. So we know where the little things are...
There was this sidebar conversation about labeling *clear* plastic ziplock bags that contain things like pens and pencils (label: Pens and Pencils) or binder clips (label: binder clips) that are then put into a box that is labeled "office supplies" with a corresponding picture and inventory list. I decide at this point that he is either drunk, already asleep, or messing with me, but I can't really tell which (or all) is the case.
(this is where I get tired of the lunacy)
Me: No. Stop making this more difficult. We don't have time for it. I'll leave your stuff alone and you can go through it all and pack it with your lists, but I'm not detailing which books are in what box and cataloging the color of sweaters and shirts that we pack. K? Let's go back to watching Studio 60.
(end scene)
I managed this conversation with relative calm, considering my hormonal and overtired self. Today, I feel a little more capable to pack up (my) things and move forward. It's as if I needed the debate to clarify the task at hand (and also recognize my absolute horror of Eric being left to his own devices if I don't get stuff packed up before he is free and home to "help").
Guess I must be better hydrated.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Thank You, Kind Sirs
Not last night, but the night before...
...we were on our way home from somewhere I honestly cannot recall (more on this later) when I remembered that I was out of milk. It was 9:29pm and the only place to stop that isn't well out of the way is Whole Foods. Turns out they closed at 9:30. However, after being told through the locked sliding glass doors that they were closed, I made a sad face, turned around to leave and soon heard, "Do you just need one or two things?" I whipped around to face a kind sir who let me in when I assured him I was just getting milk. I was fast. And grateful. Because if I don't have the means to make a UltraMeal shake in the morning, I'm in big trouble - and I'm not being spoiled and bratty about this...I really mean that I might not be able to eat anything for breakfast and that is trouble for the rest of the day.
...well, this was actually last night: Kind sir in Boulder sold us his old Bugaboo stroller with a ton of accessories for a screaming deal. And seeing as how Eric is all about the gear we can't afford right now, he is pretty ecstatic. I think he'd just play with that thing all day if he didn't have a restaurant to finish building.
...(this week)kind sirs with questionable motives approved me for not-enough-money-but-far-too-much-money in grad school loans. This makes me anxious, for I do not like debt, but there aren't as many options as I thought for 35 year old women who have spent their professional lives working in non-profit so far and don't have any money saved for grad schools and got laid off in January. When I am loaded (money, not booze, hopefully) I will endeavor to establish a scholarship for such people.
(sigh)
there are a lot of things that piss me off throughout the typical day - things that people do TO me, things people do AROUND me, things people do in the course of existing in the world. I mean, I could have strangled Eric for not closing the door last night and letting in an evening's worth of hungry mosquitoes. (I'm irritable and I did apologize for freaking out on him a little). And I was really put off by that tool that tried to smuggle monkeys (what?) today. I'm not keyed about some of the chaotic landfall of tasks that has made our last weeks in CO a little too stressful, but through all of it I have to remember that good thing are happening. Sometimes you have to ask for it, but most of the time good things are happening all around you, but the annoying, mean, dickish stuff just gets more attention. I know this isn't rocket science, but thinking about it today reminded me to extend a little gratitude.
I'll try to throw some gratitude in with the sarcasm and whining whenever possible.
Oh - the "honestly I cannot recall" thing: I didn't take the idea of "baby brain" seriously and have vowed to stop reading a lot of "what to expect" type guides about pregnancy...but MAN am I a complete moron so far this week. I literally forget what I'm saying mid-sentence if I was even making any sense up to that point. My vocabulary has become non-existent at times and I'm struggling to think of words like, "car" and "water" while talking with someone. So the fact that I don't remember where I was driving home from 2 nights ago doesn't really surprise me at all.
...we were on our way home from somewhere I honestly cannot recall (more on this later) when I remembered that I was out of milk. It was 9:29pm and the only place to stop that isn't well out of the way is Whole Foods. Turns out they closed at 9:30. However, after being told through the locked sliding glass doors that they were closed, I made a sad face, turned around to leave and soon heard, "Do you just need one or two things?" I whipped around to face a kind sir who let me in when I assured him I was just getting milk. I was fast. And grateful. Because if I don't have the means to make a UltraMeal shake in the morning, I'm in big trouble - and I'm not being spoiled and bratty about this...I really mean that I might not be able to eat anything for breakfast and that is trouble for the rest of the day.
...well, this was actually last night: Kind sir in Boulder sold us his old Bugaboo stroller with a ton of accessories for a screaming deal. And seeing as how Eric is all about the gear we can't afford right now, he is pretty ecstatic. I think he'd just play with that thing all day if he didn't have a restaurant to finish building.
...(this week)kind sirs with questionable motives approved me for not-enough-money-but-far-too-much-money in grad school loans. This makes me anxious, for I do not like debt, but there aren't as many options as I thought for 35 year old women who have spent their professional lives working in non-profit so far and don't have any money saved for grad schools and got laid off in January. When I am loaded (money, not booze, hopefully) I will endeavor to establish a scholarship for such people.
(sigh)
there are a lot of things that piss me off throughout the typical day - things that people do TO me, things people do AROUND me, things people do in the course of existing in the world. I mean, I could have strangled Eric for not closing the door last night and letting in an evening's worth of hungry mosquitoes. (I'm irritable and I did apologize for freaking out on him a little). And I was really put off by that tool that tried to smuggle monkeys (what?) today. I'm not keyed about some of the chaotic landfall of tasks that has made our last weeks in CO a little too stressful, but through all of it I have to remember that good thing are happening. Sometimes you have to ask for it, but most of the time good things are happening all around you, but the annoying, mean, dickish stuff just gets more attention. I know this isn't rocket science, but thinking about it today reminded me to extend a little gratitude.
I'll try to throw some gratitude in with the sarcasm and whining whenever possible.
Oh - the "honestly I cannot recall" thing: I didn't take the idea of "baby brain" seriously and have vowed to stop reading a lot of "what to expect" type guides about pregnancy...but MAN am I a complete moron so far this week. I literally forget what I'm saying mid-sentence if I was even making any sense up to that point. My vocabulary has become non-existent at times and I'm struggling to think of words like, "car" and "water" while talking with someone. So the fact that I don't remember where I was driving home from 2 nights ago doesn't really surprise me at all.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Frequently Asked Questions
I figured we should get a few basics down before too much time passes. As I have found that sharing information in a FAQ format amuses me, this will likely occur from time to time as new questions come up.
1. Why are you writing this blog?
I've kind of ignored the "blog" phenomena for a long time. I have a few friends with amusing blogs and some that really help me keep up with what is going on with them, but I've never really had much to say that I thought anyone would go out of their way to read.
When I found out I was pregnant, I started looking around for articles and postings from other folks who might have had an experience similar to the one I was contemplating. I couldn't find much...and I stumbled into the world of "pregnant grad student controversy" (for which I'll work on developing a clever nickname or acronym). I figure maybe someone else in the near future will be looking for info like I was and that maybe this will help. And then there are all the narcissistic delusions of grandeur...
2. Is this whole thing going to be about pregnancy?
Not after the baby is born :)
Seriously, I hope not. There is a lot more to me than the fact that I happened to be pregnant right now...and that's one of the facets of this that I find interesting. I don't want my academic experiences to be diminished or limited because I'm perceived as being fragile or in some way incapacitated by carrying a child. Similarly, I think about a lot of things that have nothing to do with pregnancy and being a parent. However, this new reality is forcing me to look at things with a new perspective from time to time, so I'm sure it'll creep in to even the most non-preggo topics.
Truth is, I'm not sure what this blog will end up being about - so much of what is going to happen in the next year is impossible to predict. Maybe it will end up being much more about school and my experience with course content and classmates. Maybe I'll get all political about grad student stuff. So much could happen.
3. You're using your real name?
I'm not very aware of blogger culture and the reasons that people use pseudonyms and nicknames and what not, but it occurred to me that trying to mask my identity was going to be a waste of time. If I didn't want to discuss anything real, I could make that work...but the truth is that there just aren't that many (i think?) pregnant grad students in my program...so I figured I'd just keep it real.
4. What is your "program"?
I'm doing a one-year intensive M.Ed in Higher Education Administration. It took me a lot of years to determine a focus for graduate level studies that I was REALLY interested in and this is it. I'll do a thing about how I arrived at this focus in detail some other time, but to sum up: I'm really interested in the transition into adulthood, how we do and do not support this transition as a culture, and barriers to access to higher education. I'm very interested in the growth of community colleges and hopeful that more of them adopt options for residential living to support student retention and success.
5. You mentioned in your first post that you made a decision to "stay pregnant". What "decision" was there?
Well, kids, this brings up a very important piece of information and a disclaimer: I'm pro-people, pro-family, pro-compassion, pro-choice woman. I'll likely talk about this decision making process at some point and I'm not really interested in debating this facet of my personal and political belief system. However, it's probably a good hint that if you're already offended by THAT, this blog isn't going to be something you'll enjoy reading.
6. Well. You're kind of sassy and mouthy, aren't you?
From time to time. Definitely always been opinionated. Recent side effect of being pregnant: much less patient with wasting time or beating around the bush. This has it's pros and cons.
7. You mentioned your "superpower blood" in your first post. What is all that about?
Ah Yes...the other most-googled thing in the past few years for me... I'll go into the story of how I discovered this some other time (it involves roller derby), but I have a genetic blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. It means that my normal blood clotting process isn't so normal and malfunctions at some point, causing me to clot more than the average gal. In fact, I have both copies of the gene mutation, so, in theory, I have about an 80X to 100X higher probability of "inappropriately" clotting.
8. What does this have to do with anything?
Well, sparkplug, it is a) indirectly one of the reasons that I am unexpectedly pregnant (can't be on hormone-containing birth control methods anymore), b) one of the complicating factors of my pregnancy (the hormones now rampant in my body put me at risk for dangerous blood clots) and c) the reason for the "sideshow" of expensive Lovenox shots every evening. As my annoyance with this process grows, I'm sure it will come up more and more.
9. Okay. On to other, more pressing questions: Are you ready for the big move across country that is coming up at the end of the month?
Nope. So I should probably go pack something or clean something or organize something for a bit. Wish me luck.
1. Why are you writing this blog?
I've kind of ignored the "blog" phenomena for a long time. I have a few friends with amusing blogs and some that really help me keep up with what is going on with them, but I've never really had much to say that I thought anyone would go out of their way to read.
When I found out I was pregnant, I started looking around for articles and postings from other folks who might have had an experience similar to the one I was contemplating. I couldn't find much...and I stumbled into the world of "pregnant grad student controversy" (for which I'll work on developing a clever nickname or acronym). I figure maybe someone else in the near future will be looking for info like I was and that maybe this will help. And then there are all the narcissistic delusions of grandeur...
2. Is this whole thing going to be about pregnancy?
Not after the baby is born :)
Seriously, I hope not. There is a lot more to me than the fact that I happened to be pregnant right now...and that's one of the facets of this that I find interesting. I don't want my academic experiences to be diminished or limited because I'm perceived as being fragile or in some way incapacitated by carrying a child. Similarly, I think about a lot of things that have nothing to do with pregnancy and being a parent. However, this new reality is forcing me to look at things with a new perspective from time to time, so I'm sure it'll creep in to even the most non-preggo topics.
Truth is, I'm not sure what this blog will end up being about - so much of what is going to happen in the next year is impossible to predict. Maybe it will end up being much more about school and my experience with course content and classmates. Maybe I'll get all political about grad student stuff. So much could happen.
3. You're using your real name?
I'm not very aware of blogger culture and the reasons that people use pseudonyms and nicknames and what not, but it occurred to me that trying to mask my identity was going to be a waste of time. If I didn't want to discuss anything real, I could make that work...but the truth is that there just aren't that many (i think?) pregnant grad students in my program...so I figured I'd just keep it real.
4. What is your "program"?
I'm doing a one-year intensive M.Ed in Higher Education Administration. It took me a lot of years to determine a focus for graduate level studies that I was REALLY interested in and this is it. I'll do a thing about how I arrived at this focus in detail some other time, but to sum up: I'm really interested in the transition into adulthood, how we do and do not support this transition as a culture, and barriers to access to higher education. I'm very interested in the growth of community colleges and hopeful that more of them adopt options for residential living to support student retention and success.
5. You mentioned in your first post that you made a decision to "stay pregnant". What "decision" was there?
Well, kids, this brings up a very important piece of information and a disclaimer: I'm pro-people, pro-family, pro-compassion, pro-choice woman. I'll likely talk about this decision making process at some point and I'm not really interested in debating this facet of my personal and political belief system. However, it's probably a good hint that if you're already offended by THAT, this blog isn't going to be something you'll enjoy reading.
6. Well. You're kind of sassy and mouthy, aren't you?
From time to time. Definitely always been opinionated. Recent side effect of being pregnant: much less patient with wasting time or beating around the bush. This has it's pros and cons.
7. You mentioned your "superpower blood" in your first post. What is all that about?
Ah Yes...the other most-googled thing in the past few years for me... I'll go into the story of how I discovered this some other time (it involves roller derby), but I have a genetic blood clotting disorder called Factor V Leiden. It means that my normal blood clotting process isn't so normal and malfunctions at some point, causing me to clot more than the average gal. In fact, I have both copies of the gene mutation, so, in theory, I have about an 80X to 100X higher probability of "inappropriately" clotting.
8. What does this have to do with anything?
Well, sparkplug, it is a) indirectly one of the reasons that I am unexpectedly pregnant (can't be on hormone-containing birth control methods anymore), b) one of the complicating factors of my pregnancy (the hormones now rampant in my body put me at risk for dangerous blood clots) and c) the reason for the "sideshow" of expensive Lovenox shots every evening. As my annoyance with this process grows, I'm sure it will come up more and more.
9. Okay. On to other, more pressing questions: Are you ready for the big move across country that is coming up at the end of the month?
Nope. So I should probably go pack something or clean something or organize something for a bit. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Measuring In Weeks and Months
I have a new lease in Cambridge that starts in a little over 2 weeks.
I start grad school in about 5 weeks. It was planned.
I found out 8 weeks ago that I'm pregnant. It was a surprise.
Doctors use this really odd math when determining how pregnant you are. Today I'm 12 weeks pregnant (so they say). The 3 month magic "tell people" mark. We've been sharing this news for about 3 weeks now.
We decided 7 weeks ago to stay pregnant and stay on target to do grad school at the same time. Figured this kid wanted to go to Harvard the easy way.
I have months and months of vitamins and shots every night in my belly fat because of my superpower blood and the fact that I'm 3 weeks away from turning 35. We call this "the sideshow". It's really charming.
(sigh) and it has been YEARS, not months or weeks, since I've had to attend a full schedule of classes and write papers. Not sure what I'm in for.
I start grad school in about 5 weeks. It was planned.
I found out 8 weeks ago that I'm pregnant. It was a surprise.
Doctors use this really odd math when determining how pregnant you are. Today I'm 12 weeks pregnant (so they say). The 3 month magic "tell people" mark. We've been sharing this news for about 3 weeks now.
We decided 7 weeks ago to stay pregnant and stay on target to do grad school at the same time. Figured this kid wanted to go to Harvard the easy way.
I have months and months of vitamins and shots every night in my belly fat because of my superpower blood and the fact that I'm 3 weeks away from turning 35. We call this "the sideshow". It's really charming.
(sigh) and it has been YEARS, not months or weeks, since I've had to attend a full schedule of classes and write papers. Not sure what I'm in for.
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